Goodbye 2021: The Year That Was

It’s almost 9pm on New Year’s Eve-Eve and we’re up in the bonus room with the kids as they’re passing the basketball, playing XBOX, and eating candy.

What a sentence. None of these events are the norm on any given night, but maybe because it’s the holidays or maybe because it’s the end of the year that they feel okay tonight. I’m glad PJ suggested we all migrate up here for a late-night session of fun.

It’s hard to believe the year we’ve had. We, meaning all of us. No matter how seemingly good life has been for any of us, there’s still an ever-present sense of dread that looms in almost every part of life that’s spilled over from 2020. Do you know what I mean? Covid, and all of its variants, have made this year the Evermore to last year’s Folklore, a similar companion piece, only not in any kind of joyous way.

Still, there were some highlights to the year, and what is social media for if not to put the best parts of your life front and center. A virtual scrapbook of sorts: a place to keep all of your favorite parts of your life in one place. The parts you never want to forget. The parts you want to remember forever.

Also, I don’t know about you, but ever since a year and a half ago, when Covid first hit the U.S., time honest to god means absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. It’s hard to fathom that the Capitol riots were just in January, that Biden hasn’t even been president for a year, that PJ and I have only had the vaccine since May.

So why don’t we take a look back at the year that was significantly better than 2020, but still not great (except for one big, major thing that happens towards the second half of the year- keep on reading!), and the times that made it special.

January

We celebrated our daughter’s birthday and had a small party as she turned three! It’s incredibly hard to believe she’s turning four in just a few days, and it’s true what they say: the days are long but the years are short. How is our little girl no longer a toddler?! Anna Elizabeth makes all of our days brighter and sassier and we are so obsessed with her.

We also painted our living room! After years of wanting a brighter room, I finally convinced PJ to get on board with painting our living room white (White Dove by Benjamin Moore). It gets the most incredible light in the evening, especially in the winter, so now it’s this bright, calming room, and the one where we spend the majority of our time as a famliy. 

February

We started spending more time at the farm and Holiday House. Though the farm brought us some much needed peace in 2020 and, in a way, helped to calm our worries and fears, this was the year we really fell in love with it. It became our refuge.

We began renovating Holiday House and tore down the wall separating the kitchen and the dining room, effectively making it one big room and so much more spacious.

PJ also started renovating The Downtown Cottage again after taking a small hiatus during the holidays. 

March

In a move no one was more surprised about than me, we moved in to the in-the-middle-of-being-renovated Holiday House for the next few months. No washer and dryer. One bathroom. Not enough bedrooms. But it was a change of scenery from where we spent the entirety of last year: cooped up in our house in town with not much room to stretch our legs and run around. The farm and Holiday House were a breath of fresh air for our family this year: a clean slate for our senses and a chance to renew our creativity in all aspects. We spent every day outside and the kids loved running around the farm getting dirty and releasing all of the pent up energy.

Oh, and PJ also built us a small pond in the back of the farm that we all enjoyed walking to every day.

I turned 30 on the 30th of March and spent it being surprised again and again by PJ’s sweet gifts. It was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had, and I spent it with my mom and, at the end of the day, with my husband and kids.

PJ also finished the exterior of The Downtown Cottage! We partnered with Benjamin Moore, a dream brand of ours to work with since we’ve been using their paint for over 10+ years, and went with a red, white and blue theme for the exterior of the cottage. It turned out exactly how PJ envisioned.

April

Our oldest turned 6! Time is flying and our kids are growing up way too fast. We celebrated at the farm with family and friends and the best cake in the world. We also welcomed new family members to Ocoee Farm: baby geese and sheep! The cutest ever and it’s been an absolute joy to see them get accustomed to the farm. 

Speaking of the farm, we were still living at Holiday House and were loving the early misty mornings when it was still so cold outside and the fog would settle around the trees, creating a haunting atmosphere that we both agree we love (almost more than the sunny days). 

May

We took our first vacation as a family (and our first trip since covid) to the beach to celebrate PJ’s birthday! My mom and younger sister came, along with PJ’s mom and sister and our best friends Matt and Beau. We rented a big house and all spent the week at the beach and it was so, so needed. It was exactly what we had all been missing. This was also the first time our children had been to the beach, so seeing their faces light up when they finally saw the sand and the water and the waves was magical. Truly an unforgettable trip.

June

We partnered with another dream brand of ours, Lowes, to finally finish the pavilion at the farm and turn it into what PJ always envisioned it being. For a month straight, he (with a little help from me and the kids in the form of painting) poured his blood, sweat and tears into finishing the pavilion and it turned out better than I could have ever imagined. PJ’s talent and work ethic truly know no bounds, and I find myself constantly amazed by him.

We celebrated the pavilion being finished with a party for our family and friends and it was such a lovely, fun evening. It felt so good to see everyone out there enjoying a space usually reserved for just us (since we were the only ones going out there for the last few years). It was surreal and exciting for our loved ones to spend a few hours with us out there and finally get to use the pavilion in the way we always wanted.

July

We took our second and last beach trip of the summer for one more hurrah with our kids and Matt and Beau. Only this time, our friend Nick came with us and got to meet the kids. We rented this beautiful mid-century modern house in Florida from Airbnb and spent a week walking to the beach and eating all the food and soaking up quality time with our friends that we went too long without seeing. 

It was such a fun thing to experience our kids around our friends, and to see how much Matt and Beau and Nick loved being around them in return. It’s one thing for us to think they’re the most special kids in the world, but to see our friends extend such patience, love, and care to them was truly beautiful and meant the world to us.

We also had our second event at The Pavilion at Ocoee Farm (we gave it an official name!) in the form of our cousin’s baby shower. Another beautiful evening, and again, so fun to see others enjoy the space as much as we do.

August

My brother got married and our kids were in the wedding! I was the best man and nervously gave a speech that PJ helped me write, and it luckily went well (I found I wasn’t as nervous once I was finally up there). It was a gorgeous, unforgettable night that I want to remember forever.

This was also the month we had been waiting for for two years. This was the month we finally, after 782 days of our children being in the foster care system, got to adopt Allan, Riah, and Anna. We got to introduce you to them after having to hide their faces and their names for two years since we couldn’t show you either as long as they were in the system.

Not having to put little hearts over their faces in photos or blurs in videos anymore meant way more than just not having to do a little extra work. It felt, in a hard-to-explain kind of way, like things were more official. Like barriers were down and it was now up to us if we wanted to do that or not. We were legally a family of five after feeling like one for years. We changed their middle and last names and everything felt exactly as it should. 

Also, the kids started school! Though it didn’t go so well for Anna, and we ended up keeping her home for one more year.

And lastly, we bought a tiny house! You can see the entire dramatic story here.

September

The time finally came: after avoiding it for a year and a half (and getting vaccinated), I tested positive for covid. I was shocked, mostly because I had been so careful for so long, and was the most paranoid one of the family in terms of taking precautions. But alas, I had it, so I quarantined in our room for 10 days, which turned out to be some of the loneliest days I’ve experienced since we started our family a few years ago. I was grateful, of course, that my case wasn’t as bad as it could have been, and my heart broke the entire time thinking of those who lost much more than just a few days.

My ordeal with covid was only physically bad for about four days: high fever, no energy, loss of taste and smell, extremely tired all day, and chills all over my body. The rest of the time was purely mental and emotional: in short, I had major FOMO. My entire life was still happening outside our bedroom door, and I was stuck inside unable to hold my children, make them breakfast, give my son his medicine, clean the house, take care of everyone, etc. It was new territory for me to experience these feelings with my own family, but I was used to a certain way of life with them and I essentially felt useless. I was so extremely happy when those 10 days were up. I missed everyone more than I ever thought I would. 

We also took a trip to Utah by ourselves (!) and it was our first flight (and work trip) since January 2020, which, coincidentally, was also to Utah for a work trip. Funny how life works out like that, isn’t it?

October

Anna took a trip without us for the first time! She went with my mom and younger sister to visit my older sister and her six kids in Georgia. It was the weirdest feeling ever to not have her home with us, but she ended up having a blast (after a short crying spell in the car on the drive there). She was able to get some much needed one on one time, and enjoy all of her favorite things with teenage girls: doing her makeup and nails and hair. She naturally gravitates to towards those things and we were both so happy she got to explore them with her cousins.

In other news, we celebrated Halloween this year after taking a break from it last year! We made food and the kids dressed up and we took them trick or treating for the first time ever. After years of talking up how spellbinding our town is during Halloween, Matt and Beau drove up here for the final time this year and got to experience it with us. It was a wonderful night, and I hope I never get tired of celebrating this holiday in our little town.

November

Riah turns five! At this point, we have officially celebrated all of the birthdays for the year and my heart swells a bit thinking how they’re all one year older. They seem to be changing daily at this point, learning new words and useful traits like sarcasm, eye-rolls, and the ability to make us laugh with the serious but cute ways in which they now talk to us.

In other news, we bought another house! PJ found an adorable house for a seriously great price right down the road from Ocoee Farm, and immediately saw the potential in it. He affectionately named it Getaway House, because it’s tucked away and surrounded by trees, and it feels like a little getaway from the rest of the world. It’s finished for now, as phase one was completed in record time after PJ hired a few things out (we’ve decided we’re going to start doing that now instead of PJ working on everything by himself), and Dixie (our best friend and farm manager) will be moving into it in a few weeks as we turn our attention to finishing Holiday House.

Also, our interview with Out Magazine finally came out! A huge thank you to Dan for the sweet write up about our family.

Lastly, we had in interesting Thanksgiving this year, as all of our family was out of town for the holiday, and we spent it in the tiny house. I shattered a casserole dish. Jolie threw up three times on the floor. It was night to remember. 

December

The holidays are here! Our favorite time of the year has come, and with it, an enormous amount of holiday campaigns. Holiday campaigns are crazy every year, but this year seemed to be back to back to back. We are grateful for the work.

The boys also started basketball! They had their first game and Allan scored a basket!! He has really taken to basketball and is becoming such a good dribbler. In fact, he’s dribbling right in front of me as a type this. PJ has been working so hard with the boys to help them understand the game and work on shooting, passing, dribbling, etc. They love it, and we love watching them play.

We had plans to travel to New York and celebrate Christmas with my mom’s family for the first time in 15 years, but after several family members tested positive for covid during last minute checks, and the Omicron variant is running rampant, we all made the decision to cancel our family holiday. We were able to get our hotel deposit back, but the reality of not all being together for Christmas set in, and we were more hurt than I think either of us thought we would be. 

Still, we celebrated at home with some of our family and it was so nice. A quieter holiday, but one where we were together nonetheless. It wasn’t what we originally planned for, yet, in the end, somehow it was exactly what we ended up wanting. 

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This has been an interesting year for us all, and something tells me 2022 won’t be much different. But I think if we’re lucky enough to live another day, then we’re lucky enough. As the seconds turn to minutes and minutes to hours, and the hours make up the days that add up to the months that equal the years we spend here on this planet, I find myself, at the end of yet another year, grateful for it all: the good, the bad, the really bad, the exciting and turbulent moments, the extremely joyous and memorable ones, and all the ones in between. 

I am ending the year feeling grateful for my husband, who works harder than anyone I’ve ever met and who I somehow love more now than I did 11 years ago. My hero. My guy.

And for our children: Allan, our oldest, who is so smart and curious about everything. For Riah, our middle child, who embodies every sense of the meaning of what it means to be the middle child. And for our daughter, Anna, who has us wrapped around her tiny, almost-four year old fingers. It’s hard to remember life before them, and I don’t think we’d have it any other way.

And finally, thank you for being here this year. Whether here on the blog, on Instagram, on Facebook, on YouTube, in the mail or on email, and wherever else you’ve found us. Your love and support means more to us than we could ever accurately put into words. We are so incredibly grateful for you, and hope to continue making memories with you in 2022.

We’ll see you next year, dear friend. Happy New Year!!

xoxo

Our Unusual, But Still Just Fine Christmas

Hello reader!

How was your holiday? Different? Boring? Magical? Unusual? All of the above?

We originally had plans to travel to New York for Christmas to spend it with our entire family for the first time since I was in high school (along the way, many other firsts would have occurred: PJ’s first time seeing where I spent every Christmas of my childhood, our kids’ first time staying in a hotel room, and the longest road trip we would have ever taken as a family!), but we all decided it was safer to stay home than be together this year. It was a sad, but necessary choice we all made as a family.

Instead of traveling, we spent our first official Christmas as a family at home, just as we have for the last three years.

And you know what? It was just fine.

After accepting the fact that we wouldn’t all be together this year (my sister-in-law tested positive for covid- luckily she’s okay), it was actually kind of fun to think about just relaxing and doing absolutely nothing for a few days at home. Unfortunately, though we did spend Christmas at home, we didn’t get to exactly relax and do absolutely nothing for a few days, because there were still presents to be wrapped and clothes to be folded and an entire house filled with bathrooms to be cleaned, but we did our best to squeeze in a little bit of down time.

Even though we weren’t all going to be together, my mom and younger sister and her girlfriend came over Christmas Eve and spent the night, so I spent the day before getting everything cleaned and comfortable for them. We usually do Christmas at our house since it’s equal parts nostalgic (I grew up in our home so in some ways it feels like we’re all kids again) and, because of the kids, just plain easier to stay put.

So they came over and it was fun! The kids wore their matching pajamas, left milk and cookies out for Santa on a plate and mug that came from a sweet subscriber (thank you so much!!!), and I made Christmas Fettuccine a la “The Holiday”, which is one of the best Christmas movies ever and I won’t hear anything else.

We drank wine and ate yummy food and after the kids went to bed, we all stayed up and wrapped presents, and it was one of those moments where the fact that we are parents is something I constantly get excited about with every new experience we make. What I mean is, I distinctly remember being a kid and opening my eyes and seeing all of my aunts and uncles wrapping everyone’s presents on Christmas Eve, when we were all supposed to be asleep, and now being on the other side of that is like a weird full-circle moment in a way. It’s hard to explain, but it was a very fun night for that reason alone.

On Christmas morning, we FaceTimed my older sister and her family in Georgia and my brother and his wife in Chattanooga, and the kids’ aunt and grandma. After a delicious breakfast cooked by my sister’s girlfriend (cinnamon pumpkin French toast), we all hopped in the car and drove to PJ’s aunt’s house for a Christmas lunch with his family. I always love when my family and his family get together. Both of our worlds combine to form one big crazy family and every time it happens I do my best to take it in (and not take it for granted) and be thankful they all get along so well and actually enjoy each other’s company.

We made a quick trip to the farm and then headed home to wind down for the night. After everyone was in bed, my mom came over to get the rest of the her things from the night before and we sat on the couch, just the two of us, and talked. And it was so nice. I can’t remember the last time it was just the two of us where we had an opportunity to relax and talk about everything and nothing. By the time it was late and she had to go, I didn’t want her to leave.

Which brings us to today. I told myself, again, that I would finally plop myself on the couch and read the new book I bought myself for Christmas. I had plans. I was excited.

But alas, there were things to be done around the house that I decided to do instead. I did, however, re-do the frame wall in our office and that felt good. Less like work and more like something creative and fun. We’re still in holiday vacation mode, so I am giving myself a few more days to relax and take it easy before diving back in to work.

At the end of the day, the biggest thing that made our Christmas unusual was simply that we, like so many other people the last two years, didn’t spend it all together as a family. I missed my brother and my older sister and her family, and my aunts and uncles and cousins. I think I was craving seeing them more than ever after everything that’s happened over the last couple of years. I am hoping for better results next year.

And better weather.

It was almost 70 (!) degrees here in Tennessee on Christmas Day, so that, combined with us not being able to see our whole family, made for, again, an unusual (but still just fine) Christmas.

Happy holidays, dear reader. Thank you so much for being here. xoxo

PS: click here to watch our new Vino & Vent, where we discuss Christmas (and more), and stay tuned for this Sunday’s vlog where you can see all of the action in video form.

Taking in the Silence (and Actually Enjoying It)

Most days, if not all days, our lives are loud.

With three kids and more animals than I’m going to even attempt to count, there’s always some kind of noise ringing through the house. And to be honest, I quite like it that way. I love the sounds (good and bad) of kids doing life in our home. I love hearing our dog Meryl play with our cat Alyster and the noise she makes when he jokingly claws her in the face. I love the sound of the washing machine beeping and the way the doors creak in winter.

All of these are sounds of home and our very busy and very full lives right now. They’re comfortable, familiar and safe to me, and I relish them.

But on the way to clean my car and get the oil changed, something changed. I plugged in my phone and started looking for a song to listen to on the drive, but couldn’t find one I wanted to hear. I kept searching and searching but nothing sounded good. Not the new Adele, not the new Taylor, nothing.

And then I quickly realized, it’s not that I didn’t want to hear any of those songs, but that I didn’t want to hear any songs. Nothing sounded good to me because the thought of silence sounded so much better.

It’s rare that our house is quiet. It’s usually after the kids go to bed, but even then, there’s still the calming sound of the dishwasher running or the click-clack of our animals walking on the hardwood floors. This week PJ took the kids to Chattanooga while I was getting ready to accompany my mom to her holiday party, and the house was still. I tried to take in the silence then but I wasn’t able to. I’ve found I don’t enjoy being alone at home just yet; not for reasons of fear, but because I enjoy the dynamic of our family so much right now (even when I feel like I might go insane from all the fighting the kids are doing lately 😂).

Sometimes I forget we’re technically still new parents, and right now we’re still soaking up this time with our children while they’re young. I can’t tell you how many times a week someone tells us to enjoy these ages as much as we can, because they grow up so fast. I’m feeling that every single day lately: time is moving too quickly and they’re changing almost daily.

So I drove to the car wash and to get my oil changed with no sound whatsoever. No music. No podcast. No radio. And it was total bliss. I’ll be returning home to a house full of children and noise soon enough, but for now, I’m taking in the silence (and actually enjoying it).

Here We Go & Happy Friday!!

Happy Friday!

How was your week?

I feel like a broken record, but ours was nothing short of…interesting. We had Riah’s sleep study (thank you SO much for all of the love and support!!) and the boys’ first basketball game, and last night I got dressed up and was my mom’s date to her company Christmas party at our favorite Italian restaurant in town. It was so fun! We even got to dance to our favorite Christmas song at the end of the night after everyone had already left. Anytime there’s dancing it’s a good night in her book.

This week, the boys had their Christmas luncheon and we all went and had lunch with them! They’re in different grades, but their lunches overlapped long enough for us to be able to eat with both of them. Riah’s teacher was also Allan’s Pre-K teacher and dug up this old photo from TWO years ago when we came to his Christmas luncheon:

I can’t believe that photo was taken two years ago. At that point, our kids had only been with us for about five months. We really did lose an entire year (time-wise) didn’t we?

Meanwhile, we finished all of our work early before the holidays (!) and now we can focus on cleaning up the house and the farm. I can’t tell you how excited I am to just clean. I never thought I would get to that point in my life, but I think that’s what happens when you become an adult. It’s the other stuff that excites you. We’ve been talking so much lately about what horrible shape our house is in that I absolutely can’t wait to devote hours and hours to folding clothes and cleaning the house and putting everything in its place. Pure bliss.

In other news, we have a new vlog premiering this Sunday, and we’re also going to try out doing our bi-weekly live chat Vino & Vent every week now! That’s right, we’re going to be live chatting every Sunday night instead of every other Sunday. It’s truly a highlight of the week for us, getting to talk to everyone and catch up, so we’re excited to start spending every Sunday night with you and expanding our conversation topic a bit. We’ll explain everything this Sunday, so hope to see you there.

Here we go! Hope you have a lovely weekend, dear reader. xoxo

Our First Overnight Stay in the Hospital

Update: Thank you all SO much for the loving and supportive comments for our boy. I was very tired and emotional when writing this post and we appreciate you being here to read it!!

It’s currently 9p and I am trying to keep my eyes open as I sit next to our son, who very much doesn’t have his eyes open and is sound asleep on the 3rd floor of the hospital we’ve been going to for the last year and a half.

I have lost count of just how many times we’ve been to the hospital for Riah. Those are words I never thought I would write when I used to think of our someday kids. I don’t mean to sound like I am pining for your pity, because thankfully, and I truly mean thankfully, all of the visits have been fine and well and we’re handling his epilepsy as best as possible and taking all of the necessary steps so that he hopefully grows out of it in a few years. 

What I mean is, you can never predict what the future holds for you and the ones you love. That’s part of what makes life so exciting (and scary). So I never could have predicted with 100% certainty, especially since he isn’t biologically ours, that our son would have epilepsy. There were certain hereditary signs, but who could know for sure? 

We are spending the night for the first time at the hospital to do a sleep study and see how things are progressing. He is currently hooked up to 38 wires, with tape across his face and in his hair, and a big white bandage all over his head to hold everything in place. He is sleeping under a thin blanket. I let him pick out his favorite stuffed animal and we brought it with us, but our boy was so tired after they hooked him up that he was falling asleep before the doctor was even finished putting the wires on him. 

There was a moment, though, when he was told to sit up so the doctor could patch his head and face with long, brightly-colored wires that looked more like toys than vital instruments to measure one’s sleeping patterns, where he was staring at me with such a longing to lay his head on the pillow; to rest and to fall asleep. I felt my heart twist and turn as I stood watching the doctor we just met lace him up with one toy-like string after another. I felt, as I always do when he is in the hands of doctors and nurses, helpless. I wanted so badly to lay him down and give him the rest he so desperately needs. His eyes were heavy, and my heart was, too.

Riah requires more sleep than our other two children. He always has. His brother and sister are able to function and go all day without a nap (much to our surprise) but Riah is so noticeably out of sorts when he doesn’t take one during the day. His whole vibe is off and he’s much more moody, sensitive, and angry. If you have young kids or have been around them for any amount of time, does this sound familiar? 

I hate that he has to have all of these tests done. I hate that he has to drink medicine twice a day that tastes disgusting. I hate that he is five years old and has already had more lab work done than I have in my entire life. And I hate that we’re not home with his father and his brother and sister, on this cold December night.

But you know what I don’t hate? The chance that he will grow up without his epilepsy getting worse, or better yet, that he might grow up with no epilepsy at all. I also don’t hate that he is so good with needles and pokes, because I have to look away when they do it to him (and to me). I don’t hate that he is so brave and strong when it comes to this stuff, and that the medical staff are always telling him how wonderful he is doing. I don’t hate that he never complains about any of it: he rolls with the punches and keeps going. I don’t hate that everyone we meet with has been extremely nice, sensitive and patient. We were late getting here tonight because of traffic and they kept telling me it was alright. And you know what? I think it will be.

It’s later now, and he’s been asleep for a while. We will get to leave at 4:30a and make the long drive back home to our house with the 100 year old floors and the laundry that needs to be folded on the couch, and the dogs that need to take their medicine twice a day, and the litter box that needs to be changed, and a brother who needs help tying his shoes and a sister who wants to eat only Mac n’ cheese, and a husband who texted me after we got here saying “Everyone misses you,” which put the biggest smile on my face. And as I adjust and try to make this recliner next to his bed more comfortable than it is, I can’t help but feel grateful for our boy and everything that makes him, him. 

And also for the fact that he is sound asleep, finally getting that rest he wanted, and the rest he so desperately needs.

Holiday Cards Are Sent & Happy Friday!

Happy Friday!

How was your week?

This morning I put the stamps on all of the outgoing holiday cards and placed them in the mailbox to be delivered. They’re sent! It feels so good to cross that off our seemingly never-ending to-do list. Finally. Our first ever holiday cards are in the mail and on their way out. Most likely those who will be receiving one will not be reading this blog, so it should hopefully be a surprise to them, haha.

In other news, it’s a dreary, cold day here in Tennessee, which just so happens to be our idea of a perfect fall day. We’re out at the farm and PJ is on the tractor while Anna plays with her motorized car and I’m writing and listening to smooth jazz, trying my best to stay warm. Even though I’m slightly colder than I’d like to be, I’m thinking it doesn’t get better than this.

We’re going to PJ’s cousin Lauren’s tonight for her birthday party, and I can’t wait to watch the kids (ours plus her two girls) play together. We’ve been spending more and more time with them lately and it’s always a nice little break for all the kids to get together while we get some much-needed adult time. They all run around and play the same way PJ and his sister did with Lauren and her sister growing up, so needless to say we’re both so excited for our kids to have the same kind of relationship with their girls.

Hope you have a lovely weekend, dear reader, and happy holidays!!!

PS: The Weekender, our newsletter, is going out tonight! Click here to subscribe if you haven’t already!!

Winter Sunrise

It’s a cold morning here in Tennessee.

As I was drinking my coffee this morning, the same way I always do first thing, before the house wakes up and the clock on our day starts ticking, I looked out the window and may or may not have made an audible gasp.

The sunrise! It was this incredible cotton candy sky that usually makes appearances during the summer, so I was surprised (and elated) to see it so close to winter. It illuminated the entire morning, shining bits of orange and yellow across different walls in our home.

As I was waking our oldest up, I opened his blinds like I do every morning, and the first words out of his mouth were, “Oh wow!!”.

Beautiful indeed.

A Big, Huge, Giant, Heartfelt Thank You

Dear reader,

I want to take a moment to thank you for being here with us. We started The Property Lovers six years ago (!) as a way to document the renovation of the first house we ever bought together, right before we got married, not knowing what would ever become of it and definitely not thinking that it would turn into anything more than it was. But it has, and it’s completely changed our life in ways we never could have imagined.

One of the biggest ways is getting to know YOU. Yes, you!!! You teach us so many things about life, about the world, about how to be better people to ourselves and each other and our children. You show us love and support and acceptance. You give us your honest opinion when you don’t like something we do and when we mess up. You give us feedback when things don’t work and cheer us on when something good happens.

You also shower our children with love and support, and you have for the last two and a half years, even though the first two years you never saw their faces. You send us emails and real mail! and comments and messages and packages for us and packages for our kids and sooooo many books that we get to read to them every night (we always them them who they’re from, of course). They feel the love, too, and even if they don’t understand that not every kid receives coloring books and markers from people in the U.K., they know you’re here with us, and that you have been here for the entire adoption journey. And it means a lot to them, too.

I can’t tell you what your support has meant to us these last few years as we’ve grown our business and our family; as we try new things and try to better ourselves. We all only have one life, and you’ve made ours so sweet just by…I don’t know, leaving a sweet comment, or emailing just to say hi. It’s the little things that, these days, don’t seem or feel so little to us. In fact, they feel big, meaningful, and kind. So very kind.

What I feel so deeply sad about, though, is our inability to respond to all of the letters and packages you’ve been sending lately. There was a time when I would write back every single letter we received in the mail. I loved it. It felt like a personal way of saying thank you from an era all but forgotten. We still have every letter you’ve ever sent us in boxes and on our bulletin board in the upstairs landing, and we cherish them all greatly.

I hope you will understand and forgive the silence on our end when you don’t receive a response after sending us something in the mail. I promise you it’s not on purpose, it’s just I am finding it hard to find the time to devote to little else outside of work and family lately. And this is no pity party: it’s not breaking news that jobs and kids and relationships take up a big portion of your time. I think I’m just still trying to figure out how to fit everything in. I know I can speak for both of us when I say we’re stretched thin right now, but I don’t think it’ll always be like this.

So to wrap up this already long post, I want to say one more time, a simple thank you, thank you, thank you, for all you have given us. I only hope we can return the favor somehow.

xoxo

Do We Tell Our Kids Santa Isn't Real?

Do we keep up the lie to satisfy their child-sense of wonder?

PJ and I were driving the other day when he turned and looked at me and said, “I really don’t like the idea of lying to them about Santa.” The funny thing is, just the day before, I was thinking the exact same thing. Why do we perpetuate this lie to our children, when it doesn’t really and truly serve anyone? Wouldn’t they be just as okay knowing Santa isn’t real?

I know so much of the magic of the holidays when you’re young is believing Santa Claus is real and that he will come down the chimney and shower your home with presents on Christmas. I know that leaving milk and cookies out is something I always looked forward to, and singing songs about the big guy with the white beard and the red hat were always my favorite Christmas carols. What I don’t know, however, is how old I was when I stopped believing in him.

I think a part of me knew for a while before I finally accepted that he was a myth; a made-up, mystical man that serves as the inspiration and main plot point for thousands of movies and TV shows. But that’s the thing about TV: everything looks magical on the big screen, and so much less magical in real life. So maybe we fear the holidays won’t be as magical for our kids if they know Santa isn’t real. Is that why we keep up the lie?

Another thing is, and probably the biggest reason why we don’t tell our kids, is we don’t want to spoil it for any other kids in their class. Can you imagine how mortifying it would be if our child was the one to ruin Christmas for everyone else? Worst-case scenario. So for now, in the spirit of preserving childhood innocence, we will keep up the charade of Santa Claus and all the joy and mystique he brings.

Our middle son, Riah, has already been questioning his validity lately. I thought for sure it would be our oldest, but I think he enjoys believing in all the things right now. The truth is, I don’t think any of our kids would mind if we told them he isn’t real. I think they would all feel a sense of privilege knowing the truth, like they’re in on this huge, giant secret that no one else knows. I honestly think they would handle the news well and that there wouldn’t be any pushback. I could be wrong, but that’s what I’m thinking would be the case.

However, I would be lying if I said we haven’t used Santa Claus as a motivator for our kids to act accordingly. I know, I know. Not our proudest moments (we’re still learning!!), but it’s the truth, even if it’s technically frowned upon. In this article on Fatherly.com, Psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Justin Coulson explains, “When we use a coercive, manipulative strategy to get our kids to behave, we are relying on extrinsic contingencies by telling them to be good in order to get what they want. And once that motivation is gone, how do we know they’ll still feel compelled to behave? It’s morally, ethically, and scientifically dubious at best.”

Doesn’t that make so much sense? Dr. Coulson goes on to give his argument for being brutally honest with kids about Santa Claus: “Christmas is going to be exciting and fun and enjoyable whether kids know the truth about Santa or not. In the same way that I can watch a movie that I know is complete fiction and still find the movie tremendously enthralling, our children can know the truth about Santa and still find Christmas every bit as exciting.”

So there you have it. For now, we will keep up the Santa Claus schtick until we decide to tell them the truth. What we won’t be doing, however, is using Santa as a manipulative tool, because that’s good for no one in the long run. Maybe by next Christmas we’ll be sharing how well they took it, how much more magical the season is for them now that they know the truth.

Either way, happy holidays to believers and non-believes alike!

Our 2021 Holiday Gift Guide

The best time of the year is in full swing!!

Happy Friday, y’all. I thought I would kick off the weekend by sharing some of our favorite items in clothes, books and home for our 2021 Holiday Gift Guide. Happy shopping, and happy holidays everybody!

A cozy turtleneck sweater to keep him warm all winter long. $109. Here’s a cheaper option that still looks just as great, and lastly, a classic fisherman’s sweater that goes with everything.

Ralph's Club Eau de Parfum: Our favorite cologne of the year, and his new favorite, too. It smells like a department store at Christmas time and feels elegant and sophisticated. $85

Casual boots, for date night or lunch with friends. $180

Quite possibly the most perfect pair of jeans ever. $69.50

Our favorite bag, the Rincon Backpack, from Parker Clay, a company who hire at-risk Ethiopian women, pay them living wages and benefits, and provide many opportunities to succeed. $148.50

The most delicious whipped body butter, from Happy Dance, Kristen Bell’s CBD-infused skincare company. It smells absolutely amazing and feels so luxurious. $30 Their hand cream is also wonderful and has saved my dry, cracked hands this winter! $20

An electric toothbrush from Bruush. We have two of these and swear by them. $95

A wireless home security system from SimpliSafe, to keep them safe all year and for added peace of mind.

A cozy candle for long winter nights (one of our favorite scents!). $31

A beautiful (and affordable) piece of art. $12

Pottery-inspired mugs, because sipping coffee from beautiful mugs makes it taste better. It’s just a fact. Set of 4 for $48

Tom Daley’s beautiful, honest new book. $25

Plus, a few more great reads:

Last Call: A True Story of Love, Lust, and Murder in Queer New York

Beautiful World, Where Are You?

The Push

All Her Little Secrets

And lastly, OK Boomer, a fun game where different generations ask each other trivia questions to determine which one truly is the best generation. $35

Good Morning! Just Checking In

It’s been a slow week on the blog, but that’s because it’s been a crazy week in real life.

It feels like we have little time to breathe lately, let alone write. Between school schedules (who knew they would be this crazy with 5 and 6 year olds?), basketball practice, work, the farm, and every day life, it’s left little time for writing and blogging.

But you know what? I’ve actually really missed it this past week. I enjoy writing and keeping track of our day to day life, and I’m looking forward to when (if?) things slow down and I can get back to that on a daily basis. It’s funny how quickly you can get into a rhythm, and when it’s thrown off, you start to crave the routine you set for yourself.

Hope you’re well, reader!! Just checking in to say good morning.